By now most of you Extraordinary Parents have come across some of the many articles that relate to Praising children and how at times it can act as a detriment more then a benefit. Below is an excellent article written by Daniel Willingham about the benefits and pitfalls of praise. He offers a cogent explanation of how and when praise should be dispensed to children.
http://www.aft.org/newspubs/periodicals/ae/winter0506/willingham.cfm
The main points Willingham makes is as follows:
- Praise should be sincere
- Praise should be specific
- Praise should not be controlling
- Praise should be earned
What we haven’t heard much about is how to teach our kids to praise us…..
……so they learn to praise and encourage others. Kids will imitate their parents and caregivers and we provide the optimal source for learning opportunities.
For example, recently, I was playing a soccer match with my kids. Whenever my kids missed the ball I said “Good try!” “Maybe next time!” or ” Good effort!“ Pretty standard but I noticed that my kids never told me anything encouraging back. I started wondering if they were encouraging their friends at school or playmates and showing good sportsmanship.
I began to encourage my two kids to notice that both their father and I were trying hard as well. So, the next time my son and I had a Wii-Super Mario showdown, instead of allowing my son to remain silent or worse yet, laughing when I (Luigi) died minutes into the game , I asked him if “there was anything that they could say or do to encourage me?” When I noticed a long silence, I said in good spirits that “Mom was trying really hard, can you tell me good effort? This makes me want to keep trying my best!”
When he clued in that this would help me stay enthused in the game, he started telling me things like “Great Mom” or ” Yay! You almost made it!” whenever I played.
I have to say, that I was thrilled, not only because I was having fun but I knew that it was a pivotal turning point to how he showed encouragement to others. This simple skill set was helping him raise is EQ (emotional quotient) as he would now start becoming a leader of the emotional space. It also allows him to become a source of inspiration to others, while learning an important life skill about sportsmanship and cooperation.
The more your child learns how to praise the effort of others, the more it will reinforce the effort of people around them, which can only help with your kids likability on the playground. Now I look foward to our Super Mario showdowns and even though I’m still losing…with my son’s encouragement…I keep trying my best!
To Your Child’s Brilliance,
Rhea
3 Comments
It had never occurred to me, the importance of teaching my kids to give me praise. Raising children who are kind and considerate is one of my top goals – as important as giving them a good education. So teaching them how to give praise actually is an impotant component of this. Thanks for the insight.
Good job with the website, Rhea. You should turn on the facebook comments feature on your blog in OptimizePress. This will give more social proof – real people will be commenting using their real names. Good luck with your new business!
Appreciate the feedback! Thanks!