Why I’m happy when my kids are Bored!

When I had my son 5 years ago and  soon after my daughter, I worked hard at learning how to relax in those early years.  Not just because I was a new mother.  It was mainly because I could not read a children’s book without feeling like I needed to act out the scenes.   A walk in the woods became a discussion (albeit fun) on coniferous plants and habitats for animals.   I let my Nanny go because among other things, she did not know how to create excitement with her face and her voice.   “Children like carnivals” I remember saying.  I was exhausted, but my child was getting high impact experiences, learnt alot of cool stuff and they were delighted.

I wondered if most parents were stressing out like I was and began thinking how got to be this way in the first place.  The evidence I gathered from reading the looks on my friends faces, was calm and relaxed so I assumed they did not do a live performance of River Dance for the kids in an effort to delight them.

I also came from a family where learning exponentially and open ended questioning was the cornerstone of our childhood.  It was a relaxed atmosphere where sharing knowledge seemed to flow organically.  I recall that peeling and eating a cantaloupe became a sharing of fruit textures, a discussion on why many fruits are spherically shaped and  simple analysis of seed formation to plants.

I don’t look back and ever think about being bored but I also remember having lots of time to do whatever I could conjure up and figure out how we were going to spend our day, without any direction from my parents.   This was in a way, scheduled “bored time” time I benefited immensely from.

My father had disconnected the TV for years so we could  NOT just zone out for hours.  It was a conscious act on my parents behalf but this scheduled boredom was vital to my development.  All sorts of adventures and imaginative games occurred precisely because my sister and I were left to sort things out for ourselves.

Here’s the benefits of boredom:

Boredom forces kids to be creative -If you have ever been to a Third World country you will see kids that have made toys out of old bicycle tires and sticks.   Necessity is the mother of all invention.   I recently saw a video of a 9 year old who made a video/game arcade out of boxes and tape in his fathers auto shop.  While his father was busy at work in the back, the young boy found a way to offer play passes, tickets and prizes for those who played the games he had created.  Nothing short of genius.  A creative mind coupled with nothing to do usually equates to something that equates to magical.

Boredom teaches kids to be self directed instead of externally directed-An externally directed kid looks for you to tell them what to do when they’re bored or solve their boredom problem for them.  An internally directed kid, figures it out for themselves.  When kids become skilled at directing themselves from within, they develop 2 pretty awesome traits:
1. A strong sense of self
2. A desire to be a meaningful part of a group.
They gain self esteem, self confidence, competence and independence,  because they are not reliant on someones direction constantly.  They end up taking on new endeavours and exploring their own intellectual and physical limits and learn to think for themselves. Boredom allows time for introspection and getting to know oneself.  They  gain a better understanding about their own likes and dislikes are and do things they want to do, not just following blindly what we parents sign them up for.

Boredom teaches kids to observe the details-If you have ever watched a kid who whined that they were bored or asked you to solve their problems for them, they frant and flail about trying to get your attention.  Bored kids get very observant to their surroundings.  They aren’t rushing and impatient, they slow down and think methodically.  They start paying attention to the details and solve their own problems instead of looking to a parent to spoon feed them the answer.

Now when my kids are showcasing signs of boredom I just say…”It’s good to be bored sometimes” or “What are you going to do to solve that problem?” . Then I just walk away and tell them that I’m going to work on my own projects.

I’ve never found the kids whine for long, eventually, they sort themselves out and get more imaginative and interactive play then I could have ever garnered from me….working up a sweat…. doing my own private ‘ Cirque du Soliel’ performance for them.

To Your Child’s Brilliance,

Rhea